I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
