That's intense
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
