apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
