He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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