I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
