I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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