there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize