Betty ford says i'm here all night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize