Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
