my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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