No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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