he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
