trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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