Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
