How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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