Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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