I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
