It's Friday. Sex?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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