i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
