twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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