he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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