Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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