Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
