He had one of those small greek statue penises
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
