you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
