allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
