I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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