mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
