You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
