Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
