she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
