I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
