I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
