omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
