Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
