thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
