then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
