so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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