He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
