arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize