Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
