none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
