Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
