You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
