In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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