He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
