I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
