my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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