Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
