i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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