Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
