my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
