i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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