he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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