some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
