Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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