I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
