ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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