what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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