just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
