I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize