I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
