you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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