im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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