suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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