my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
