I cockslap morals
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
