Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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