is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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