I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
