Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
