Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
