okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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