Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
