ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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